The American Capitalism, I mean the Matrix
by Riya Tasogare
Summary: Trinity having affairs? Is Agent Smith having pronunciation problems? Is Neo obsessed with pastries? I don't know. Just read the darn thing.


Disclaimer: I own nothing! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!!! [grabs a flame thrower]  
  
Morpheus: Numbers are fun... especially when they confuse you... that's why I love school!  
  
Director: That isn't your line. You're not even supposed to be in this scene.  
  
Morpheus: Says who?!  
  
Police guy: Okay! We've caught you! Deploy full body search! That should be fun...  
  
Trinity: Darn. I can I just finish downloading this music?  
  
Police guy: Um... no.  
  
Trinity: Then I'll just have to finish you. [Matrix kick]  
  
Police guy: Ow.  
  
Trinity: Go me... go me... I get a trenchcoat... go me...  
  
Agent Smith: Me to the rescue... Go viruses... Go viruses...  
  
Trinity: It's times like these we should be advertising for Nike. [jumps]  
  
Agent Smith: I can fly too! [jumps]  
  
Trinity: I'm so cool, I can travel through phone lines!  
  
Agent Smith: Well I'm even cooler because I can possess anybody connected to the Matrix!  
  
Trinity: Um... well I'm gone!  
  
[later]  
  
Neo: I'm not going until I get my !@#$ éclair!  
  
Director: You can get the éclair after this scene.  
  
Neo: No! I refuse! [attacks director]  
  
Everybody else: o_o  
  
Trinity: Coffee coffee COFFEE!!!!! [runs around in circles screaming "Coffee"] Drink coffee! It's good for the soul!  
  
[much later]  
  
Neo: I get my eclaaiiiir! I get my eclaaaaiiir! ^_^ Wait, we're rolling?  
  
Computer: Dude! Wassup Neo?  
  
Neo: I thought my name was Mr. Anderson.  
  
Computer: That's what they want you to think... Besides, Neo is a much cooler name and when you rearrange it, it spells "one"!  
  
Neo: ...  
  
Lady with the white rabbit: I'm too hot for you to refuse this offer.  
  
Neo: ...  
  
Trinity: You are a prisoner of American capitalism (aka Matrix).  
  
Neo: You remind me of a pastry... especially éclairs.  
  
Trinity: o.o What's that supposed to mean?!  
  
Neo: So delicious...  
  
[Next scene]  
  
Neo: What do you mean hop to the next window?! I'm over thirty stories high!  
  
Morpheus: Coward.  
  
Agent Smith: I know what you did last summer.  
  
Neo: -_- zzzzzzzz  
  
Agent Smith: o.o  
  
Neo: Do you have pronunciation problems or something? You talk even faster in Lord of the Rings.  
  
Agent Smith: Um... hey! Robot bug, meet Mr. Anderson!  
  
[later]  
  
Neo: Why am I always shown sleeping every like two scenes?!  
  
Director: You like it. Don't deny it.  
  
Trinity: Just take off your shirt so I can stick something else in you and suck the thing out.  
  
Trinity: Where did you learn to drive, goddammit!  
  
Switch: Internet.  
  
Robot Bug: I hate my job.  
  
Morpheus: I'm the coolest leader ever cuz' my glasses stay on my face BY THEMSELVES! ^_^  
  
Neo: o.o  
  
Morpheus: [holding out two pills]: Take the blue pill, and you will be revealed the real world. Take the red pill, and you will be revealed the real world.  
  
  
  
Neo: What's the difference?  
  
Morpheus: The colors. Preeeeeetty colors....  
  
Neo: Don't you have doughnuts?  
  
Morpheus: No.  
  
Neo: Damn. I'll take the red one.  
  
Neo: Dude, your mirror is eating me. How many times are you going to refer to Alice and the Looking Glass?!  
  
Morpheus: Warning: Watch for an abundance of symbolism.  
  
Neo: o.o?  
  
[later]  
  
Director: Where the hell is Neo?  
  
A movie worker guy: I think he's in the closet.  
  
Director: [By the closet] Neo?  
  
Neo [inside the closet]: Mmmmm.... Oh yeah.... [breathes heavily]  
  
Director: [opens closet] O_O What the hell...?  
  
Neo [eating cheesecake]: [surrounded by food] What?  
  
Director: Your scene again.  
  
Neo: Damn. And I was having so much fun.  
  
Director: Right... wait a minute... where's Trinity?  
  
Neo: [points to snack table]  
  
Trinity: Have wonderful coffee! [shoves coffee down janitor's throat]  
  
Janitor: [splutterchoketwitch]  
  
Neo: I'm shirtless again? Well hey hey!  
  
[later]  
  
Neo: Needles and things stuck in me freak me out.  
  
Morpheus: Well sucks for you. [plugs Neo in]  
  
Neo: I know kung fu. Now that's what I call downloadin'!  
  
Everybody else: They're gonna fight! [brings out popcorn and stares at a relatively small screen]  
  
Morpheus: [powslashkickelbowblockbam]  
  
Neo: [bamblockelbowkcikslashpow]  
  
Neo: Unexpected come back!  
  
Morpheus: Tank, did you download the updated kung fu version?  
  
Tank: Maybe...  
  
[Scene changes to the Jump simulation]  
  
Neo: You know, ever since that incident with the climbing to the other window earlier, I had a thing against heights.  
  
Morpheus: Whatever. [jumps]  
  
Neo: o.o  
  
Neo: [runs]  
  
Director: Cut! Get the stunt double!  
  
Stunt double: Wha-[gets pushed off the ledge] Ow.  
  
[Scene changes to imitation Matrix world]  
  
Neo: Hello pretty lady...  
  
Agent: Who you callin' lady?  
  
Trinity: [runs into scene shaking and twitching] C-c-c-coff-f-fee outoutoutoutout ofofofofof co-co-coffee!  
  
Director: You're not in this scene:  
  
Trinity: Why not? The camera has been away from me much too long!  
  
Director: Well, you're in the next one.  
  
Trinity: And when is the next one? Aren't I a main character? Are you implying that I'm an untalented freak? Is that it? I thought you loved me!  
  
Director: Shush! Not here! Now is not the time!  
  
Neo: "Loved"? I thought you loved me!  
  
Morpheus: I thought she loved me!  
  
Director: _ Trinity! You have to choose one!  
  
Trinity [shifting eyes often]: No I don't! [throws smoke bomb on floor. When the smoke disappears she is seen walking out the studio door]  
  
Director: Great. Now we need a Trinity substitute.  
  
Switch: I'll be her!  
  
Director: But you're already another character...  
  
Switch: ... that dies.  
  
Director: You have blonde hair.  
  
Switch [wearing a black wig]: No I don't.  
  
Director: [sigh] Fine whatever.  
  
Switch: YES!  
  
Neo: o.o  
  
Cypher: I shall now reveal my traitorous ways.  
  
Neo: We're off to see the Wizard! The wonderful Wizard of Oz! ^_^  
  
Kid: The spoon isn't there.  
  
Neo: Uh, yeah it is. Anybody who can see can see that there's a spoon right there.  
  
Kid: Well anybody who can TRULY see can see that there's NO spoon.  
  
Neo: Whoa... brain overload...  
  
Oracle: Have a cookie.  
  
Neo: No thanks.  
  
Oracle: HAVE A COOKIE!!! [strangles Neo]  
  
Neo: All right! All right!  
  
Oracle: Someone's going to sacrifice myself... you're going to have to make a choice... [shakes magic 8 ball again] and that's just about it.  
  
Neo: Okay then... Could you be a little more specific?  
  
Oracle: Now the details you have to find out for yourself.  
  
Neo: You just don't know, do you?  
  
Oracle: Of...course I do. [shifts eyes a couple of times] [throws a smoke bomb. When the smoke clears, she is seen climbing out a window]  
  
Neo: Aww... is oo a cute wittle bwack kitty...Wait a minute...BLACK KITTY?! AAAUUUGGGHHHH!!!!!!  
  
Morpheus: What did I tell you?  
  
Switch/Trinity: Glitch in the Matrix! Hee hee! See? I can do Trinity!  
  
Director: [sigh] Just get on with it.  
  
Morpheus: Since I'm so cool, I get to sacrifice myself! [pow] ...and get brain damage.  
  
Ace: [dies]  
  
Switch: [dies]  
  
Tank: [dies]  
  
Neo: Um... why are they dying?  
  
Switch/Trinity: Cypher unplugged their minds.  
  
Neo: Oh.  
  
Switch/Trinity: And yes, he is the one.  
  
Tank: [undies] Let's see how you like it when you get a hole burned into your body!  
  
Cypher: Ow. [dies]  
  
Director: Hey, Ace! You're supposed to be dead!  
  
Ace: Well, the undead gotta eat 'n' pee, you know. [walks away]  
  
Director: But you're DEAD.  
  
Ace: Well if I'm walkin' right now, I'm not, now am I?  
  
Neo and Switch/Trinity: [back in real world]  
  
Neo: So... what do we do with the dead?  
  
Switch/Trinity: We're supposed to be crying?  
  
Tank: Well, they ARE dead. Now that Morpheus is captured, we need to unplug him.  
  
Neo: Wait a minute... This is a chance to prove myself worthy! Load the guns, baby!  
  
Switch/Trinity: I'm going.  
  
Neo: Why? A hot chick like you shouldn't be going.  
  
Switch/Trinity: Morpheus means more to me than you... unless you're gay.  
  
Neo: Good point...  
  
Security Guard: Please remove any metallic items... Whoa... nice collection of -[shot apart]  
  
Neo and Switch/Trinity: [powpowpowpowbangbangbangbangbambambambamshootshootshootshoot]  
  
Everyone else in the room: [shot down and dies]  
  
Room: Ow.  
  
Director: Millions of dollars spent just to be shot apart... [sob]  
  
Agent: You can't beat my dodging power! [dodge!]  
  
Switch/Trinity: Oh really? [bam] I love that line! "Dodge this!" "Dodge this!" "Dodge this!" "Dodge this!" Hee hee! Oooo pretty helicopter!  
  
Agent Smith: Humans suck. If you tell me the numbers, then you won't have to deal with me any longer.  
  
Morpheus: o.o  
  
Agent Smith: Tell me the numbers, damn it!  
  
Morpheus: o.o  
  
Window: [break]  
  
Neo: You're sounding more and more like a telemarketer. [bangbangbangbang etc.]  
  
Switch/Trinity: Don't shoot Morpheus! Geez.  
  
Morpheus: [jumps]  
  
Neo: [also jumps]  
  
Both: [clash!]  
  
Switch/Trinity: [pilot!]  
  
Neo and Morpheus: [unclash!]  
  
Switch/Trinity: [jumps!]  
  
Helicopter: [crash!]  
  
Building: [ripple effect! Then collapse!]  
  
All three remaining: [escape!]  
  
Neo: I'm always the last to be sent! Why me?  
  
Agent Smith: So that you can show off your kung fu fightah moves! Woo-aaahh... [strikes a pose]  
  
Director: I told you not to do that!  
  
Both: [fight!]  
  
Neo: [flee]  
  
Agent Smith: [possess!]  
  
Neo: I'm so close!  
  
Agent Smith: ...Yet so far. [bam]  
  
Neo: [dies]  
  
Switch/Trinity: Yay! I get to kiss Neo now!  
  
Trinity: [jumps into scene wearing a cape] Not on my watch! Me to the rescue! [kicks Switch off set]  
  
Director: As much as I find that freaky, I'm thankful.  
  
Trinity: [kiss!]  
  
Neo: [undies!]  
  
Jesus: Quit imitating me!  
  
Neo: Blame the writer for that. Besides, Morpheus DID warn us. [possesses Agent Smith]  
  
Agent Smith: [explodes]  
  
Agents: [flee]  
  
Neo: ^^ Yay! I'm bad! I'm bad! I'm bad! Uh hunh uh hunh uh hunh!  
  
Trinity: Um... Neo? No time for dancing! Frickin' sentinels are about to destroy us!  
  
Neo: Fine... end my fun why don't you...  
  
Director: [slowly walking out door]  
  
Trinity: You need wonderful coffee!!!!!!!!! [runs after him] 


End file.
